7 stages of grief

Is anyone still experiencing a stage of grief since they’ve experienced what goes along with their disability?
My family is shocked that I’ve moved to the final stage (acceptance/hope) so quickly.

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Apparently they haven’t. Glad you were able to recover so quickly. I have gone through the stages of grief many times. Some were easier than others.

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Derek, I have no idea of the nature of your disability. For those not familiar with the 7 stages they are:

Shock. . …

  • Denial. …
  • Anger. …
  • Bargaining. …
  • Depression. …
  • Acceptance and hope. …
  • Processing grief.

Speaking from more than fifty years as a partial quad , since Vietnam, you are likely to repeatedly experience anger, bargaining, and depression. I have.

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You are know yourself better than anyone.
Grief will always be around…playing hide and seek .
Just look up and escape in your mind…
Alex.

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Absolutely correct and so bloody real

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Honestly it depends on the day but for the most part I’m content. When I became disabled in 2018, I didn’t think I’d ever get to this point but by January of the following year I was ready to have my life back. People are still amazed by how I’m living and thriving and happy lol Bit there are those moments when it’s a struggle to get through the day.

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Yes , I have been grieving. Not only for my disability ( degenerative disk in neck and lower back. Also, I’m looking at starting dialysis. My son refuses to talk with me. I want to so much to fly to Miami to talk with him but I would have to go alone and no guarantees that he would speak to me. It’s been rough.

Derek,
That shows your ability to adapt to your new life easier than those around you who are afraid and sadden by the loss of the old you. I have been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis for over 20 years and had to accept, adapt and move on more than once, it is harder for my family to truly understand all the time. But as long as we are here in the world that is what we need to do in my opinion, find joy in the simple things. Good luck

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Just a little background, I was recently diagnosed with ALS, even though my body was ravaged by it a lot sooner. Once I found out that at least 50% of men diagnosed die within 2 to 5 years, I began to plan out what my son’s life (he’s 17) would be without me.
The focus became him, not me.

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It is rough. The lack of control was overwhelming and still is on occasion. Another frustration is the abundance of opinions about what I need to do. All are good meaning. I try to focus on the incredibly kind people who offer help every day.

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That is wonderful that you are focusing on your son. Remember to stay mindful of your own emotional process as well. I became wheelchair dependent in 2018 and find myself using “Radical Acceptance” as a way of dealing with my physical limitations and the multiple other areas impacted by being a chair now. What I remind myself of is the fact that we don’t just go through the stages once and then we’re done, we bounce around between the different stages. So, while I might be feeling at peace with everything today, I might feel angry and depressed tomorrow when I encounter something I’m not able to participate in. And, that’s ok too - I need to continually give myself permission to feel angry and/or depressed at times. And, my dreams are still in complete denial!!! I’ve always had vivid dreams, and I dreams since being in a wheelchair have also had me up and walking around, hiking, riding bikes, etc. I guess that’s just my spirit mind flying free of the confines of my physical limitations.

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I guess I’m still in denial tho I’ve had trouble walking for years now. I lurched around on my own for a while. Then adapted to a cane. Finally I borrowed a friend’s rollator to take on a cruise. That was almost ten years ago. I’m now on my third rollator, since the first one broke, sending me crashing to the ground and slicing a wedge out of my leg with the brake bar.

Sometimes I’m angry that this is NOT how I wanted to spend my “old age”. I just turned 73 but feel MUCH younger except for my disability and severe arthritis throughout my body. Ticks me off since we planned to spend summers on our boat and travel a lot the rest of the year. We had to give up the boat but we do try to do a couple of trips each year by car, since we have so much adaptive equipment to take with us.

I have never experienced the Anger or Bargaining. Or even Depression… Maybe I’m in the Acceptance area now and don’t even know it.

My prayers are with and for you Derek. Have you come across Jay Smith on FB? Look for “every 90 minutes”. He has had ALS for quite a while but continues to fight it tho his quality of life is failing more and more. He is a remarkable man, husband and father, inventor and writer. Perhaps reading his works will help lighten YOUR load.

Best of luck.

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I understand completely what you mean. I have family and friends who are still in the angry stage while I am not. However acceptance does not mean giving up - it’s important to strive to get the best life from what has been dealt to you.
My paraplegia was caused by medical ignorance, arrogance and ineptitude - some say they wish those who caused it have to go through what I have - I don’t agree because I would not wish this on anyone or their families.